he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
