she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
