dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
