I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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