FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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