i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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