woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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