Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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