Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
