Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
