Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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