I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
