So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
