Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I deserve this hangover.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
