Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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