went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My vagina is very pro this idea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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