my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
