I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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