There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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