can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
