Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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