Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
