I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
