Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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