I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
