do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
