Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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