Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
