...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
