I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
