are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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