I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
