Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
