I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
