Even water is tasting like jack daniels
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
