guys are not supposed to queef...right?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
