Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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