You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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