last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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