i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my shit smells like andre
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He better not be in your backpack
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
