he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
