Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
