Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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