I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
