I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
