he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
