stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
