I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize