I wanna passion pit in your ass
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
