I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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