I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
