i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
