I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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