My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
