At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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