you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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