Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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