Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
