I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
