it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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