My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He shit in the fireplace
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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