it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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