I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
