Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
