somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
