I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
