Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
