I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Semen is not good for contacts.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
