You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
