I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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