I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize