his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
