I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
