oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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