I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize