Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
