Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
